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Chinese Sleeper Buses: Never Again

By Heidi Ayarbe

I pride myself on being a somewhat intrepid traveler. I’m not easily intimidated, grossed-out, or deterred by seemingly unfavorable circumstances. I’m not a destination traveler, and I often relish the experiences I’ve had "in transit." Taking a night Chinese sleeper bus, though, curbed my desire for the "real thing" this past year, and I found myself wanting to be a bit more bourgeois in the midst of all the authenticity.

Imagine a bus with, instead of seats, rows of bunk beds (about 45 beds in all). Now, imagine this same bus filled with sweaty travelers, blue-collar workers, and farmers from China. Now, imagine all these people with their shoes off. (Getting the idea? Oh, hold on, it gets better).

This same bus, filled with the aforementioned smelly people, had some added perks. It would become a proverbial Pandora’s Box of bodily fluids and excretions. Cesar, my husband, and I were too excited about the genuineness of such travel to sense impending doom and discomfort. We got in our assigned bunks (squashed because they're meant for short Chinese people that weight about 80 pounds), and were initially delighted by such an innovative way to travel.

Soon, our joy turned to dismay when we started choking on the billows of cheap cigarette smoke that filled the bus. China has the greatest number of chain-smokers in the world (Well, it has the greatest number of people, and so every bad habit we know is amplified by a million in China!). If only we had to battle the smoke throughout the trip, I’m certain it would’ve been bearable.

However, while trying to fan away the smoke, we had to keep our mind on the "rain of loogies", as I like to call it. Pollution, smoking, and habit have created a country of people that spit. All of us are guilty of spitting now and again -- especially those of us who do outdoor activities and aerobic sports. The Chinese, though, don’t just spit. They huck loogies. These aren't just any loogies, but loogies that come from the depths of their souls and entrails (making Booger from Revenge of the Nerds look nothing short of a total amateur). As the bus windows were open, it only makes sense that all spittle and bodily fluids would be channeled out the open windows. It wasn’t. They opted for the floor. While fanning the smoke and dodging loogies, we were blessed with the sound of "huck, splat, huck, splat, huck, splat, splat."

This was all going on and the bus hadn’t even left the parking lot. (I’m sure some of you imagined we were well in to the trip by now. No, no .. We were only beginning!) When we rolled out of the parking lot, a 1960s Kung-fu movie started to blare over the crackling speakers.

After grasping the situation at hand, I knew it would be a rather long trip, but I wasn’t prepared for the climatic challenges we would face. Because of the smoke and stench, all the windows were opened, and we barreled down dusty Chinese roads in sub-zero temperatures with wind ripping through the bus (this, then made it more difficult to judge loogie landing as wind factor and direction came into play). Shivering in our respective bunks, we noticed that blankets (somewhat damp and not "tide-clean") had been provided for the passengers.

At that time, there was nothing to do but deal with the "authenticity" of Chinese sleeper buses. I zipped my jacket, put on my hood, and pulled every piece of clothing over my body, covering all surfaces and skin in order to avoid direct contact with anything in the bus. I closed my eyes, put in my earplugs, and sighed (one of those long, soulful, Scarlet O’Hara sighs).

It was a long 14 hours.

Luckily, we survived, flea bites and all (We hoped that's what they were). We arrived to Hanoi fairly unscathed (two bus-rides, three-taxis, and one mini-van ride later). If one lesson can be taken from this experience, it is this:

When travelling in a Chinese sleeper bus, wear a disposable, plastic suit.

Do you think I should sell this phrase to the fortune cookie makers? It’s certainly better, and more practical, than the typical, "The moon shines on your business dealings today."

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	Real Travel Adventures Free Magazine Send this Page to a Friend Flag of China Chinese Sleeper Buses: Never Again By Heidi Ayarbe I pride myself on being a somewhat intrepid traveler. I’m not easily intimidated, grossed-out, or deterred by seemingly unfavorable circumstances. I’m not a destination traveler, and I often relish the experiences I’ve had "in transit." Taking a night Chinese sleeper bus, though, curbed my desire for the "real thing" this past year, and I found myself wanting to be a bit more bourgeois in the midst of all the authenticity. Imagine a bus with, instead of seats, rows of bunk beds (about 45 beds in all). Now, imagine this same bus filled with sweaty travelers, blue-collar workers, and farmers from China. Now, imagine all these people with their shoes off. (Getting the idea? Oh, hold on, it gets better). This same bus, filled with the aforementioned smelly people, had some added perks. It would become a proverbial Pandora’s Box of bodily fluids and excretions. Cesar, my husband, and I were too excited about the genuineness of such travel to sense impending doom and discomfort. We got in our assigned bunks (squashed because they're meant for short Chinese people that weight about 80 pounds), and were initially delighted by such an innovative way to travel. Soon, our joy turned to dismay when we started choking on the billows of cheap cigarette smoke that filled the bus. China has the greatest number of chain-smokers in the world (Well, it has the greatest number of people, and so every bad habit we know is amplified by a million in China!). If only we had to battle the smoke throughout the trip, I’m certain it would’ve been bearable. However, while trying to fan away the smoke, we had to keep our mind on the "rain of loogies", as I like to call it. Pollution, smoking, and habit have created a country of people that spit. All of us are guilty of spitting now and again -- especially those of us who do outdoor activities and aerobic sports. The Chinese, though, don’t just spit. They huck loogies. These aren't just any loogies, but loogies that come from the depths of their souls and entrails (making Booger from Revenge of the Nerds look nothing short of a total amateur). As the bus windows were open, it only makes sense that all spittle and bodily fluids would be channeled out the open windows. It wasn’t. They opted for the floor. While fanning the smoke and dodging loogies, we were blessed with the sound of "huck, splat, huck, splat, huck, splat, splat." This was all going on and the bus hadn’t even left the parking lot. (I’m sure some of you imagined we were well in to the trip by now. No, no .. We were only beginning!) When we rolled out of the parking lot, a 1960s Kung-fu movie started to blare over the crackling speakers. After grasping the situation at hand, I knew it would be a rather long trip, but I wasn’t prepared for the climatic challenges we would face. Because of the smoke and stench, all the windows were opened, and we barreled down dusty Chinese roads in sub-zero temperatures with wind ripping through the bus (this, then made it more difficult to judge loogie landing as wind factor and direction came into play). Shivering in our respective bunks, we noticed that blankets (somewhat damp and not "tide-clean") had been provided for the passengers. At that time, there was nothing to do but deal with the "authenticity" of Chinese sleeper buses. I zipped my jacket, put on my hood, and pulled every piece of clothing over my body, covering all surfaces and skin in order to avoid direct contact with anything in the bus. I closed my eyes, put in my earplugs, and sighed (one of those long, soulful, Scarlet O’Hara sighs). It was a long 14 hours. Luckily, we survived, flea bites and all (We hoped that's what they were). We arrived to Hanoi fairly unscathed (two bus-rides, three-taxis, and one mini-van ride later). If one lesson can be taken from this experience, it is this: When travelling in a Chinese sleeper bus, wear a disposable, plastic suit. Do you think I should sell this phrase to the fortune cookie makers? It’s certainly better, and more practical, than the typical, "The moon shines on your business dealings today." Real Travel Adventures Web Magazine Thanks for visiting us! Add to Bookmarks Click Here to Earn Money By Surfing Home Previous Page Next Page If any links don't work PLEASE NOTIFY US. © 2004 Bonita Productions Inc.