Book Reviews/Relationships

Good Reads For Your Adventure Travels

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How To Heal A Painful Relationship (And If Necesary, Part As Friends) by Bill Ferguson Hailed as the most innovative and profound book of its kind, this book is simple to read and gives straight forward steps to take to heal any kind of relationship. Ferguson, formerly a divorce attorney, has guided thousands of couples through the minefield of difficult relationships, and the principles he teaches in this book are good practices and solutions for any kind of broken relationship. He discusses what creates and what destroys love, how to end the cycle of conflict, how to heal hurt feelings, how to rid the relationship and each person of guilt and anger and resentment. He shows how to resolve disputes and restore love and trust. This book is a priceless guide for anyone in conflict with another and could be the guide that saves your relationship or your life. Click Here To Order

Bring Yourself to Love: How Couple Can Turn Disconnection Into Intimacy by Mona Barbera, PH.D, is really a self-help workbook for anyone in a conflicted relationship, whether it be with spouse or other family members or friends whom you love. The author is an expert counsellor who uses the Internal Family Systems model for counseling couples. This book gives the necessary work sheet questions and ideas for anyone to explore how their relationship is undermined and how the individual can make changes in himself or herself to improve that relationship by changing responses to the partner's negative behaviour or negative comments. The book is straight-forward and easy to understand and it contains a wealth of knowledge from the experience of the author's counseling with hundreds of couples to help them rebuild their relationships. The price of the book and the hours to work through it will save you thousands of dollars in counseling and will augment any counseling experience. Save and rebuild your relationships for joy and mutual love by ordering this book today.Click Here To Order

Get Your Power Back by Bill Ferguson In this simple to read self-help book the author, who has been featured on "Oprah" tells how you can identify the areas of your life in which you are stuck with the same pattern of feeling hurt or angry and ending up in a situation that makes you feel unloved and unhappy. He stresses that we cause these things ourselves. The solution is to realize that each time we experience these negative feelings is to realize it is striking a nerve from a past experience in which we were hurt. As adults we don't want to remember consciously or face that unresolved hurt so we hide it from ourselves and it continues to rear its ugly head and repeat the hurt and undermine our relationships. If we uncover the hidden hurt from the past and face it, it will be removed forever. This helps us live in control of our lives, experiences, relationships, and feelings. The book tells exactly how to do this. It is a must for everyone who experiences a sabotaged relationship with self or others. Click Here To Order

Maggie: The Dog Who Changed My Life by Dawn Kairns is a book for both animal lovers and for spiritual seekers. It is a deeply personal and revealing journey by the author, whose dog aided her and was her constant companion in good times and difficult struggles with family and work. With the dog as her loving and faithful companion and strength, Dawn and her family came through tough times into new awareness, growth, and self-discovery. Maggie apparently could understand her feelings, read her thoughts, and foresee and warn about future events, connecting through Dawn's dreams. It is a book that makes you laugh and cry and also gives amazement and wonder about how much our pets really know. How vast are our spirits, both humans' and "dumb" animals'? And are we fully conscious of how vast this awareness is and what it can do in our lives?

The author's black lab, Maggie, helped Kairns find her place in the world, both personally and professionally. Through her relationship with Maggie, whom she calls her once-in-a-lifetime dog, Kairns learns that dogs are intelligent, emotional beings that can sense our thoughts. The depth of their bond opens a surprising door for the author to trust her intuition over intellect, and to respect the messages that can be communicated through dreams. Kairns takes readers on her journey to discover what's really best for our pets when it come to pet food. Pet guardians who have experienced the profound sense of loss that comes with losing their own cherished pets will find a kindred spirit in this book. A life-long animal lover, her passion for dogs led her to volunteer with local rescue organizations, including the Humane Society of Boulder Valley, Front Range Labrador Rescue, and Freedom Service Dogs. In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the author and her husband travelled to Mississippi to work with the Humane Society of the United States assisting the displaced Katrina dogs. Her own dog and cat are rescues. Kairns' goal with her book, Maggie: The Dog Who Changed My Life, is to partner with animal rescue groups in such a way that a portion of the book proceeds will benefit those organizations. Of particular interest to her is that future book sales benefit Mainline Animal Rescue, an organization devoted to raising awareness of the deplorable conditions in puppy mills and rescuing their canine victims. Click here to order

THE ART OF EMPOWERED PARENTING BY ERIK FISHER, STEVEN WAYNE SHARP, AND DIANE FIVAZ WICHMAN is an excellent guide for new parents to start off in the right way helping their child to grown into the full development of his or her strengths and to steer away from personal weaknesses. The many styles of parenting are discussed with emphasis on equity parenting, in which the parents and children are considerate of each other's feelings and learn to listen and discuss clearly, as parents model the behavior they want their children to follow. There is an interesting discussion of control type situations in a family in which "It's my way or the highway is exhibited," and this can be done by the adults or by the children, each controlling the family in less than positive ways. With easy to recognize examples of family situations, the authors, who are well trained experts in the field as well as being parents themselves, give alternate ways of handling situations that promote respect, harmony, love and trust among family members and help the child develop healthy self-confidence. The book guides any parent, but especially new parents, into quality parenting amidst the dire pitfalls of our modern civilization. This book is a MUST and would be a perfect new baby gift. Click Here To Order

Surviving Your Adolescents: How to Manage and Let Go of your 13 - 18 Year Olds by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D, 2nd edition is a book I highly recommend for parents of any teenagers. Dr. Phelan is a registered Clinical Psychologist who has worked with children and families for over twenty-five years and he knows what works to help families run smoothly, even in the roughest of times. In the book he tells what is normal adolescent behavior, and risk-taking is normal! He gives terrific ways to keep good communication channels open with your teenager while still teaching and modeling the behavior you hope for yet understanding and discussing in ways that are not a big turn-off, the behaviors the teen exhibits in natural rebellion to rules. These are the years when peers are more important than parents, experimentation is normal in the quest for becoming one's own person, but the pitfalls are many, and the book recommends excellent ways of avoiding these or working through them and still keeping a good relationship. He discusses what is abnormal and needs professional help also. The book is easy to read with excellent, practical suggestions of ways that work. By all means ORDER THIS BOOK NOW!!

Personality Insights for Moms! By Susan Crook with Robert A. Rohm, Ph.D. is the way to DISCover Communication Success. When moms (and dads and even grandparents) understand their own personality type and have these helpful insights into each child's personality type, a door is opened for excellent communication and understanding that is mutually beneficial and helps prents rear well-adjusted, cooperative, self-confident, successful, happy children. This book is outstanding…like no other in its approach to happy parenting and happy family cooperation. Buy it today and see your family happiness blossom as you each begin to understand how the other members think and are motivated. Using the formula of DISC, Susan shows how “D's” are dominant and inspirational… born to win and love to compete. “I's” want to be seen and be popular/successful; “S's”need kind words and gentle treatment and they work hard to keep the peace; “C's”like clear plans and directions and want to do things right. The book is fun to read and to discover the personality types of yourself and your family members and what to do to fill each others' personality needs so the family can live harmoniously. This book is a terrific one to own and refer to often, for fun and for help and insights. Click Here To Order

The Sacred Sisterhood of Wonderful Wacky Women by Suzy Toronto is a colorfully illustrated book of poems and prose in tribute to various women in the author's life. Suzy Toronto is known for her faceless paintings and now the words that describe them, faceless because they apply to any woman, so every woman will identify with the stories and poems and see faces of someone she knows. The book is poignant, funny, maybe even causing a few tears sometimes. It is a lovely little book to give as a gift or keep enjoying.

Click Here To Order

IT'S (MOSTLY) HIS FAULT : FOR WOMEN WHO ARE FED UP AND THE MEN WHO LOVE THEM BY ROBERT MARK ALTER is a really good book on how to have a better marriage. Although it is geared to men, their wives (who want more attentive, loving and sensitive husbands) should read it too because there is plenty of sound advice for both. This advice from a man who has been a marriage counselor and also happily married for over 35 years, speaks from experience. He pulls no punches and tells it like it is to men, whom he blames for being mostly insensitive. He says it is not only possible but necessary for them to retrain themselves with good habits to replace bad ones. The book is excellent! Click here to order from Amazon.com

THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO PLEASING YOUR WOMAN is just what the title says. As with other Idiot's Guides, the book has entertaining illustrations and very helpful ideas in every category of interpersonal relationships. Even if you have been successful in pleasing your woman, you will learn a lot of tips that will make your skills better and delight your mate. Every relationship will benefit from this! And what a terrific Wedding Gift for any man taking the steps to the altar. Click here to order from Amazon.com

Stop My Childhood From Drowning: "39 Lessons From a Child experiencing Divorce" is a little book by E. R. Reid, president and founder of LLC, a corporate and personal strategy consulting firm. Having experienced the pain and demands on a young mother of two children going through a divorce, she has written this little book to share her own coping skills that worked for herself and her children. The book contains on one side the 39 lessons, which are the voice of the child expressing his/her feelings about various situations that arise in family life while experiencing a divorce. On the opposite pages are the 39 Perspectives, which are the adult voice expressing the coping methods that work successfully for both the adult and child. The book is sensitively written, could be read in an hour, and could save families much emotional pain and prevent many children from “drowning” during a divorce. It is a MUST for any parent going through a divorce or its aftermath. Highly recommended! Click here to order.

THE GUTTER (WHERE LIFE IS MEAANT TO BE LIVED) BY CRAIG GROSS admonishes Christians to stop judging and realize everyone needs love and the help and no sin is more sinful than another. He encourages everyone to help the worst down and out of society, just as Jesus did. Click here to order from Amazon.com

Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating : (How Not To Become A Bar Regular)Penned By: The Seed & German Seed. This book on relationships in today's dating world is totally "off the wall" but great fun to read, although often gramatically and politically incorrect and full of foul-mouthed expletives. It is definitely not for the judgemental reader. However, the authors, both men who still refuse to reveal their identy (for reasons obvious when you read the book) hit the nail on the head with what are the problems in today's failing marriage and love relationships and other relationships as well. With total candor and often hilarious situations and comments, they offer solutions for the real world which might work in solving relationship problems: first and foremost, to become a whole person by yourself before you enter a relationship. Relationships do not fix your shortcomings. The combined wisdom and difficult situations adn experiences of the two authors, one who lives in Canada and the other in Europe, are shared and bared in ways not many have the boldness to write. Often in letter or stream-of-consciousness style, the book rambles some, but overall it is a fun read, and has some sage advice administered in a novel and quirky way! Click here to order or learn more and to enjoy their website.

Don't You Dare Have Kids Until You Read This! By Corey Donaldson seems at first to be outrageous because it is written by someone who is not a parent. However, when you read this insightful book of questions and wisdom quotations, you realize Corey is forcing you to explore the hundreds of pertinent questions which will enable you to embark on or refrain from becoming a parent, as an honest career choice. As both a parent and grandparent, I am amazed at Donaldson's wisdom and insight. I am gratified that he asks not only the obvious questions, like "How often does an infant need to be bathed?", but the more deeply penetrating questions like "What makes you think you are worthy (or unworthy) to have a child?" "If your child turned out to be exactly like you would that make you happy or unhappy?" and "Think of your most valuable possession. How would you react if that were damaged or destroyed by your child?" Granted, you cannot possibly know before having children how incredibly much you will love them, and you cannot possibly answer all the questions in this book without experience of parenting, but these are very pertinent questions to ASK yourself and your spouse. An excellent book to make you think deeply and not take for granted the world's most important career in which most people find themselves with no preparation.(ISBN 0-609-80912-1 from Three Rivers Press, New York City, about $12.) Donaldson is also author of the very successful book Don't You Dare Get Married Until You Read This! To order either book, click the Amazon link on this page.

Time For A Better Marriage: Training in Marriage Enrichment

ISBN 1-886230-46-3

byJon Carlson, Psy.D. & Don dinkmeyer, Sr., Ph.D.

This workbook is a MUST for all married couples, and can teach anyone good skills of communication, listening, acceptance, and encouragement, which will benefit any inter-personal relationship. Without expensive counseling, couples in marital conflict will find this the "How To" Book from which they can work and learn how to make their marriage succeed. The authors teach you how to choose to stay with your marriage partner, learn to have open dialogue to resolve conflicts, develop self confidence and esteem yourself and each other, and how to show each other that your relationship is important enough to take the time and effort to rebuild it. You will learn that you are not a victim because you always have a choice. The more you accept yourself, the more you will accept your partner and have real expectations. Buy this WorkBook, even if your pertner will not read it. You will get good ideas and gain good communication skills.

"You can only change yourself. Even without cooperation a relationship can improve when one person begins to change. One partner's growth and change often provides motivation for the other partner to change." (p.116

To order, click the Amazon link on this page.

Rebuilding Books: Impact Publishers/ 805-466-5917

PO Box 6016

Atascadero, CA93423

_________________________________________

Honeymoon Marriage, by Darren and Donna McNees, is a guidebook for newlyweds, a trouble shooter for marriages in difficulty, a relationship renewal manual for couples who desire to deepen their relationship or renew their vows. As every marriage experiences trials and hurdles through the years, this is a book every home should have on a bookshelf. The price of the book at about $25 is less than a half-hour of marriage counseling, yet it offers the wisdom and guidance for do-it-yourself marriage therapy equal to months in a psychologist's office. Whether your marriage is in trouble, or you want insure the present bliss of your relationship, every couple will take their marriage to a deeper level of love, mutual respect, harmony, and joy by reading and following the excellent guidance and exercises in this book. Donna and Darren have been married for twelve years and serve as marriage mentors in the Chicago. They have the goal of saving a million marriages within the decade. We highly recommend this book...a great wedding gift for any couple! (ISBN: 0-9721903-0-9 . Blue Sail Publishing,Inc., Reno, NV)

To order, click the Amazon link on this page.

Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage by Morrie and Arleah Shechtman,

A Question for Valentine's Day:

Is Your Marriage a Symbiotic Blob?

Boulder, CO (January 2004)—It's a day of candy, flowers, lingerie,

romantic candlelit dinners, lingering kisses . . . and the pursuit of a healthy

relationship built on autonomy, mutual respect and personal growth. What? This last one doesn't seem to fit the spirit of Valentine's Day? Don't tell Morrie and Arleah Shechtman. Psychotherapists and authors of the new book Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage (2004;

Bull Publishing Co.; ISBN: 0-923521-81-X; $16.95), the Shechtmans are dedicated to debunking the myths about love that keep relationships dysfunctional and individuals stuck in the past. And they say that Valentine's Day is the perfect time to take a good, hard look at your marriage.

"Valentine's Day is a time of high expectations—highly unrealistic

ones," says Morrie. "Couples desperately want to recapture that blissful falling-in-love feeling, and they feel pressured to do so on February 14th every year. Even though most people know it's a scam perpetuated by greeting card manufacturers and florists, they really believe they should feel the same emotional high they felt the first few months of their relationship. And too many couples actually build their relationship around an attempt to hold onto that magic, ultimately dissolving into what I call a symbiotic blob."

According to the Shechtmans—who hold intensive retreats for couples

committed to creating healthier marriages—this blissful state of new love is a re-creation of the symbiotic relationship we had as infants with our primary caregiver, usually our mother. When the honeymoon ends, couples often attempt to keep up some sort of caretaking relationship wherein one partner takes responsibility for the happiness of the other. Complication and drama become a substitute for intimacy and the relationship transforms into a symbiotic blob in which closeness exists only when someone is in crisis.

Is your marriage a symbiotic blob? Here are some of the telltale signs:

§ Your partner asks, "What do you feel like doing tonight?" You reply, "I

don't know. What do you feel like doing?" Or vice versa. Each of you is so

concerned with pleasing the other that you can't seem to come up with any desires of your own. Until you hear what your partner wants, you truly don't know what you want.

§ You can't make even minor decisions without consulting your partner—or your

partner can't make a decision without consulting you. Either one person makes all the decisions or else each defers to the other to such an extent that no decisions get made at all.

§ You do all of your socializing as a couple. If you meet someone you like

and your partner doesn't like her, then you don't pursue the friendship.

§ One of you consistently tries to control the other. The controlling partner

ridicules the other's personal tastes and interests, and the submissive partner gives up liking whatever the controlling partner disdains. The controlling partner constantly offers unsolicited advice about matters that any grown-up

can figure out for himself.

§ One or both of you is given to irrational bouts of jealousy. You feel

threatened if your partner develops a crush on a movie star, or your partner feels threatened if you become friends with a member of the opposite sex. The

possibility that your partner could feel even a casual attraction to someone else strikes you as utterly catastrophic.

§ If your partner is angry or isappointed with you, you can't feel better until your partner feels better. If your partner seems unhappy in general, you

assume it's your fault.

§ You are deeply dissatisfied with some important aspect of your life—what

you do for a living, where you live, dreams and aspirations you've allowed to fall by the wayside, etc.—and blame this circumstance on your marriage. You

believe your partner's happiness depends on the sacrifice of what you yourself desire.

§ You feel that the independent actions of your partner reflect on you. If your partner wears a striped shirt with plaid pants or tells a joke that falls flat, then you feel personally embarrassed. If your partner offends someone you know, then you feel responsible for setting things right.

§ Even now that you are grown, you feel afraid of disappointing one or both

of your parents. You allow yourself to be controlled by the displeasure of

family members. Adults who have not declared independence from their families of origin tend to form symbiotic relationships with their spouses.

The Shechtmans maintain that you can keep your marriage from becoming

a symbiotic blob if you accept that, eventually, the honeymoon is going to

end. Don't just accept it, they maintain; actually take the time to grieve the

loss of the symbiosis you experienced during the nascent stages of your

relationship. The high-maintenance honeymoon phase can lay the foundation of closeness

that makes for a satisfying low-maintenance relationship later if you can manage to pry yourselves apart long enough to regain autonomy and develop mutual respect.

"Creating a great marriage means giving up childish and unrealistic

beliefs and committing yourself to healing old wounds and striving for personal growth," says Morrie. "It's hard work, but it's necessary for becoming a

fulfilled human being. And it's the only way you can experience true intimacy.

Sure, it's not a frilly, hearts and flowers sentiment, but neither is love. It's

challenging. It's complex. It's real—and for many people who spend Valentine's

Day worrying about whether they found the one box of chocolates that will make

their partner's life complete, that knowledge will come as a huge relief."

# # #

About the Authors:

Morrie Shechtman is a personal and corporate consultant with 30 years of

experience. Morrie's academic background includes an M.S.W. with a clinical specialization in psychotherapy. He also has his A.C.S.W., the professional credential required for independent practice. He has taught at distinguished universities throughout the United States, has worked as a therapist and counselor, and now also runs a successful management onsulting company, Fifth Wave

Leadership.

Morrie's first book, Working Without a Net: How to Survive and Thrive in

Today's High Risk Business World (1994), is widely used as a reference in

corporate America. It is utilized as a textbook by a number of universities and is used by many government agencies in management development training.

Morrie's second book, Fifth Wave Leadership: The Internal Frontier (2003; Facts on Demand Press; ISBN: 1-889150-38-X; $19.95), is available at booksellers nationwide.

Arleah Shechtman is a psychotherapist with 25 years of experience counseling

individuals in committed relationships. Arleah's academic background includes an associate's degree in business mid-management, an undergraduate degree in

Organizational Development and an M.S.W. with a clinical specialization. She also has her A.C.S.W., the professional credential required for independent

practice. Her continuing education has focused on work with adolescents, work with small groups, and work with people experiencing grief and loss.

About the Book:

Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance

Marriage (2004; Bull Publishing Co.; ISBN: 0-923521-81-X; $16.95) is available at

better bookstores and major online booksellers. It is also available online at

www.bullpub.com or by calling 800-676-2855.

The Stress Owner's Manual, Meaning, Balance, and Health in Your Life by Ed Boenisch, Ph.D., and C. Michele Haney, Ph.D. is the second edition which just hit the book stores. I picked it up thinking I would quickly flip through and get the highlights because I am not stressed...but I soon discovered EVERYONE in our modern society is stressed, even children, because of our lifestyle in the Western World. This book is so fascinatingly written I could not put it down. I read from cover to cover, underlining key points and then bought a copy for everyone on my Christmas list. It is a wonderful and practical guide that anyone can use to make life easier in the workplace, in social situations, and at home. The ideas are simple to apply to replace harmful habits, and guaranteed to make anyone happier and healthier. The book is a MUST for everyone! To order click on Amazon to your right. Click here to order.

ONLINE RESOURCES HELP EASE THE PAIN OF DIVORCE

A million families go through divorce each year in the United States.

That's a lot of disrupted lives, a lot of pain, and a lot of human

energy spent. Divorce creates a huge emotional upheaval across the

land, and those who travel this rough road often look for help.

Here are a few of the many online resources that contain a wealth

of information to help ease the painful process of divorce and make

the transition to the single life, and possibly a new relationship,

easier.

www.bibliotherapy.com

This site offers a select list of psychology and self-improvement books

and audiotapes for adults, children, families, organizations, and

communities. Written by highly respected psychologists and other human

service professionals, these innovative, research-based materials offer

real help for people who need real answers. The Rebuilding Books series --

for relationships, divorce and beyond -- assist those building relationships,

going through divorce, or rebuilding their lives after divorce. These

straightforward, life-affirming resources can improve relationships and help

make the divorce process easier, healthier, and less painful, leading to

more-fulfilled lives and stronger "second-time" relationships.

www.DivorceMagazine.com

This site offers hundreds of supportive articles, expert advice

columns, daily news items, useful links and tips, and interactive

bulletin boards for people at every stage of the divorce process --

from separation to divorce to remarriage. With sections for every

state and province in North America, you'll find guidance to help

you achieve a friendly, civilized, and fair divorce. You can sign

up online to receive their free newsletter by e-mail.

www.rebuilding.org

This is a growing site featuring books and audiotapes on relationships

and divorce, plus a locator for seminars based on the Rebuilding

model of popular divorce therapist Dr. Bruce Fisher. It lists dozens

of seminar locations throughout the United States and abroad.

www.unmarriedamerica.com

Offering helpful information to people who are divorced or in the

process of separation, this site is sponsored by the American Association

for Single People (AASP), the nation's leading provider of information

and resources for and about America's 82 million unmarried individuals.

Their mission is to improve the quality of life and secure a better

future for all unmarried Americans, including those who are widowed,

divorced, never married, single parents, domestic partners, and extended

families. Visit their "Advice and Resources" section.

www.singleagain.com

Single Again Magazine Online is a Web site dedicated to bringing those

who are divorced, widowed or separated information, resources and advice

that will help them rebuild their lives. Through books, articles, and

other resources, they provide visitors what they really need to "Make the

Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life." They have many advertisers that

offer products and services, including the topics of dating, health,

finances, and travel, as well as daily and weekly advice columnists.

They also offer a quarterly supporting newsletter by subscription.

www.SinglesMall.com

The SinglesMall is a Christian site that offers helpful information

and referral links for single adults. Some of the categories include lists

of singles organizations, publications and groups nationwide. There are

also links to many other sites that offer practical information for singles.

A special division for singles ministers focuses on providing information

for leaders. Plus, the site touts "the world's most comprehensive

bibliography of books relating to various single adult issues and ministry."

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